Jokes And Riddles

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1. Why do bees hum? Because they dont know the words of the song.
2. What happened when Burger King and Dairy Queen got together? They had Carl's Junior.
3. How does a train sneeze? "Ah Choo-Choo!"
4. Why did the baker fire the bread? He caught it loafing.
5. When you look at my face, you see somebody. When you look at my back, you see nobody. What am I? A mirror.
6. What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks? Dinomite!
7. Why did the teacher wear sun glasses? Because he had such a bright class!
8. What is the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles. It has a mile in between.
9. Where did the baseball player put his lunch? On his home plate.
10. Whats more dangerous then pulling a shark's tooth? Giving a porcupine a back rub.
11. What's it called when your mom serves cold, lumpy cereal? Cruel and unusual punishment.
12. Why are E.T.'s Eyes so big? Your would be too if you saw his phone bill.
13. How does a computer eat? With megabytes!
14. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? The chicken was not born yet.
15. What country is for people in a hurry? Russia.
16. Why did the cow jump over the moon? Because it had to mooooove!
17. What has a spine but was never alive? A book.
18. What part of the newspaper does a male lion read? The mane part.
19. What did the baseball coach get out of the bank? His diamond back.
20. What kind of book would a car write? An autobiography.
21. How can you tell if a bee is on the phone? You get a buzzy signal.
22. What do fish hire to clean their houses? Mermaids.
23. Why did the robber take a shower? So he can make a clean getaway.
24. Why did the person stare at his juice carton? Because it said "concentrate."
25. Why was the lady at the grocery store looking down? She wanted to see low prices.
26. What did the sky say to the water? Sea ya!
27. What do rich people make for dinner every night? Reservations.
28. What do you call a monster on the moon? A moonster.
29. Why did the player bring a ghost to the game? Because the coach told him to get a little spirit.
30. How would you describe a dog who hogs all the food? A pet-a-greed.
31. What do you get when you have 324 blueberries trying to get thorugh the same door? A blueberry jam.
32. What happened when two frogs went after the same fly? They became tongue-tied.
33. Where were the people carring cahirs going? To a chair-holders meeting.
34. What do you get if you cross a grandma with a duck? A gram-quacker.
35. Where do flowers sleep? In a flower bed.
36. Why did the silly student eat his dollar bill? Because it was his lunch money.
37. How does an egg get to work? In a Yolkswagon.
38. How did the lion make so much money? As a roar-to-roar salesman.
39. Why do you look like a cub when you take a bath? Because your a little bare.
40. Why did the exterminator lose his job? Becuase he bugged his boss.
41. What is tinker Bell's Favorite Candy? Pixie Stix.
42. What is the best time to go to the dentist? At tooth hurty.
43. Why shoudlnt you make a joke when you are ice fishing? Becuase the ice might crack up.
44. What do you cal a mouse thats a tattler? A sqealer.
45. What is black and white, green, and black and white? Two zebras sharing a pickle.
46. Where do bees hide when they play hide and seek? Bee-hind a tree.
47. What lands on its face as often as it lands on its tail? A penny.
48. Why did the boy bring peanut butter to the beach? Becuase he heard there were jellyfish.
49. How did the two vampires fall in love? It was love at first bite.
50. How does a chicken get in its coop? Through the hentrace.
51. Why couldnt the cat swim? Because it was a scaredy-cat.
52. Why is it cool to go to a baseball game on a hot day? Becase there are alot of fans.
53. What did one fish say when the other fish got hooked? Thats what you get when you dont keep your mouth shut!
54. Whats the hardest thing about falling off your bed? The floor.
55. Teacher: Why were you late for school today?
    Jack: I was obeying the sign that said, Go slow, School Ahead.
56. How much dirt is in a hole 6 feet long, 13 feet wide and 9 feet deep? None. A hole is empty.
57. What kind of dogs like to take pictures? Puparazzi!
58. Didnt you see the carton of milk? It must be pasteurized.
59. What do you say if a fly gets in your sneakers? Shoe fly, Dont bother me!
60. What did the singer name his son? Mike.
61. Why didnt the dime jump off the cliff? it had too much cents.
62. What kind of light do knights read with? Night Lights.
63. What did one candle say to the other candle? Are you going out tonight?
64. Why are unsharpened pencils so dumb? Becase they dont make a point.
65. What did the baby corn say to the mommy corn? Where is my popcorn?
66. What did the singer name his daughter? Melody.
67. Why did the ornage stop in the middle of the freeway? Becuase it ran out of juice.
68. Why did the girl write on her hand? So she could practice her handwriting.
69. Did the leopard have a good vacation? No. He couldnt find the right spot.
70. What letters are not in the alphabet? The ones that are in the mail.
71. Why did tommy pull the plug in the bathtub? He wanted to go for a drain ride.
72. Why did the boy bring a candy bar to the dentist? He wanted a choco-late filling.
73. What snacks do aliens like to eat? Space chips.
74. Where do snowmen like to put their money? In snow-banks.
75. What did the steak say to the hamburger? Nice to meat you.
76. Why did the vampire wake up scraming? He was having bitemares.
78. What did the shovel say to the newspaper? Wheres the scoop?
79. What does a dancer like to drink? Tap water.
80. Did you hear the one about the hot dog? Its something you will relish.
81. What kind of car does Dracula drive? A blood-mobile.
82. Who is a bee's favorite singer? Sting!
83. If there were nine cats in a boat and none jumped out, how many would be left? None, becuase they were copycats.
84. Why did the wrestlers have to compete in the dark? Because their match wouldnt light.
85. Whats the best way to get in touch with a shark? Drop him a line.
86. What kind of jokes are best with breakfeast ceareal? Corny ones.
87. What did the snowman and the vampire name their kid? Frostbite.
88. How do books get warm? From their covers.
89. What do you call a stolen egg? Poached.
90. Why did the pony have a sore throat? Becuase he was a little horse.
91. Dud you hear the one about the hot dog? Its something you will relish.
92. Why did the dog have to move his car? Becuase he could only bark for two hours.
93. What did the driver say to the ship? Wow your a wreck!
94. Why did the defensive end return to the bank? To get his quarter back.
95. Whats the most famous star in the sea? A starfish.
96. Whats the best way to say hello in a car? On the highway.
97. What do kids in the artic eat for breakfeast? Frosted Flakes.
98. what do you call a lost parrot? A polygon.
99. Why did the chicken go to the restuarant? Becuase it was friday.
100. Whats the smallest room in the world? A mushroom